The latest wtf from the big guys
We don’t get a lot of American television in Asia, and that’s not something I consider to be a bad deal. Some of the stuff we have seen lately has been entirely incomprehensible, which only makes us want to retreat just that little bit more.
But we saw one bit of a show called Meet the Natives where a bunch of tribesmen from Vanuatu were dropped into the US on some sort of a cultural exchange thing. They were pretty straightshooting guys. I liked the part at the cattle ranch about “if we put this stuff (various shots and steroids) in our animals I think we would poison ourselves.”
They went to a bar and had some swill. “It’s sour!” they proclaimed, to my amusement. I don’t think most people – even beer geeks – understand just how sour macrobrew is. Indeed, most of it is so riddled with faults it’s hard to understand why anyone would touch it to their lips. Heck, I like a nice buzz – any beer geek who claims they don’t is full of it – but how desperate do you have to be, to drink swill for the purposes of inebriation?
In Canada, we were raised on swill. I never understood why anyone would drink that crap and didn’t drink much at all until I discovered Guinness (speaking of sour!). But sour is the least of the problems for some brews. Molson products for example I find to be among the poorest of all beers. I’m sick and tired of hearing how good the brewers at these production facilities are. They’re not. They’re like chefs at McDonald’s. They’re production managers and biochemists, not brewers. Brewers can make beer that is clean and tasty. If these guys can brew, I’ve yet to taste it. And until I taset it, they will not get a pass and be assumed to be praiseworthy.
Take a look at the latest abomination – Molson is coming out with a beer they call “microcarbonated”. I guess what they mean is they’ve shrunk the carbon dioxide atom or something. No seriously, I’m actually quite confused. Read the release: http://www.beverageworld.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=37114:molson-coors-launches-microcarbonated-lager&catid=3:daily-headlines&Itemid=173. Then say a little prayer for the Quebeckers, the poor bastards. Not the smart ones who drink all the good beer over there, just the suckers who still drink Molson stuff.
I have no idea what this product is. Is it flat beer? Or have they actually spent a few hundred grand trying to imitate the carbonation that is already found the world over in naturally carbonated lagers? I suspect that it’s the latter. Not that they’d want any of the flavour of naturally carbonated lager – hops and malt and crap like that. They’ll stick with their green apples, sewage, rotting grains, higher alcohols and industrial effluvia. Why change now, when your market share is declining, when you can pull a Nero and fiddle away with more of the same fail?
8 Comments to “The latest wtf from the big guys”
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Would “micro-carbonated” not mean less gassy… hey that would be great, as we’d be able to drink more quicker no?
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Came across your post. I am responsible for Quebec PR for Molson Coors. I take interest in *all* comments about our products — the good, neutral and (yes) the bad. Believe it or not, microcarbonation has a real impact on drinkability (level of carbonation, flavour preservation). But above and beyond the tech speak — your tastebuds are the best judge. If you don’t end up liking Molson M, that’s cool. Everyone has different tastes. We have other products — which you would classify as ‘craft’ beers — like Creemore which is made by the same small brewer in Ontario. Try that one and let me know. Cheers!
@MolsonDouglas on Twitter.
Haha, “effluvia.” I’ll have to use that word more often.
I’d like to politely say that you’re slightly mistaken. co2 is a molecule, not an atom. It’s actually 3 atoms, and there are a fairly large number of them in every single bubble you see rising from your glass. It is entirely possible to diminish the size of each individual bubble, resulting in, I’d imagine, a smoother beer.
I’m not saying Molson isn’t crap, but you’ve mistaken what they’re attempting to do here.
Sweet job eliciting a response from @MolsonDouglas. I’m gonna go rant about Bud Light Golden Wheat or something and see if I hear from @BudweiserAugustIV
Yeah, it’s nice jargon, but once CO2 is dissolved it’s dissolved. Bubble size is then determined by the amount of CO2 dissolved, atmospheric pressure and the porosity of the container the beer is poured/contained in. Everything else is pure nonsense and isn’t supported by science.
and the surface tension and viscosity of the fluid.
I’ve never had a Molsen, old or new, if someone’s prepared to ship a can of each to me, my partner will put me through a blind tasting, and I can report back.
My money’s on Bill Hicks being right.