We don’t get a lot of American television in Asia, and that’s not something I consider to be a bad deal. Some of the stuff we have seen lately has been entirely incomprehensible, which only makes us want to retreat just that little bit more.
But we saw one bit of a show called Meet the Natives where a bunch of tribesmen from Vanuatu were dropped into the US on some sort of a cultural exchange thing. They were pretty straightshooting guys. I liked the part at the cattle ranch about “if we put this stuff (various shots and steroids) in our animals I think we would poison ourselves.”
They went to a bar and had some swill. “It’s sour!” they proclaimed, to my amusement. I don’t think most people – even beer geeks – understand just how sour macrobrew is. Indeed, most of it is so riddled with faults it’s hard to understand why anyone would touch it to their lips. Heck, I like a nice buzz – any beer geek who claims they don’t is full of it – but how desperate do you have to be, to drink swill for the purposes of inebriation?
In Canada, we were raised on swill. I never understood why anyone would drink that crap and didn’t drink much at all until I discovered Guinness (speaking of sour!). But sour is the least of the problems for some brews. Molson products for example I find to be among the poorest of all beers. I’m sick and tired of hearing how good the brewers at these production facilities are. They’re not. They’re like chefs at McDonald’s. They’re production managers and biochemists, not brewers. Brewers can make beer that is clean and tasty. If these guys can brew, I’ve yet to taste it. And until I taset it, they will not get a pass and be assumed to be praiseworthy.
Take a look at the latest abomination – Molson is coming out with a beer they call “microcarbonated”. I guess what they mean is they’ve shrunk the carbon dioxide atom or something. No seriously, I’m actually quite confused. Read the release: http://www.beverageworld.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=37114:molson-coors-launches-microcarbonated-lager&catid=3:daily-headlines&Itemid=173. Then say a little prayer for the Quebeckers, the poor bastards. Not the smart ones who drink all the good beer over there, just the suckers who still drink Molson stuff.
I have no idea what this product is. Is it flat beer? Or have they actually spent a few hundred grand trying to imitate the carbonation that is already found the world over in naturally carbonated lagers? I suspect that it’s the latter. Not that they’d want any of the flavour of naturally carbonated lager – hops and malt and crap like that. They’ll stick with their green apples, sewage, rotting grains, higher alcohols and industrial effluvia. Why change now, when your market share is declining, when you can pull a Nero and fiddle away with more of the same fail?
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